Q for Quietscheentchen

It was 6 PM on the dot. Heidi and Adrian both arrived to “Franziska”, a restaurant in urban Germany, from either side of the street. Not a minute soon, not a minute late. They were Germans after-all.

“You look beautiful, Heidi”, said Adrian.

“Thank you! Shall we?”, said Heidi holding out her hand. Adrian took her hand and they went inside the restaurant for their first date.

They got the best seat in the restaurant since Adrian and Heidi come from influential families. In fact, it was in one meeting for the most influential families in Berlin where Adrian and Heidi met each other. Their respective families thought it would be a great idea for them to get together and nudged them into this date. Apart from sharing a few pleasantries at that meet, the two hardly knew anything about the other.

“Is the Chateau Mouton-Rothschild 45 fine with you?”, asked Adrian holding the wine menu.

Heidi nodded in affirmative to the expensive wine and Adrian placed the order.

“1945. That is an interesting year to choose for the wine”, remarked Heidi.

“How so?”

“It is the year the war ended. The year we lost.”

“Ah! Well, I don’t see it as the end for Germany but rather a beginning.”

Nothing in the world interested Heidi than history. And as fate would have it, Adrian was a major history buff himself. The simple wine selection led to an entire conversation about world history and as the evening wore on, the two regal heirs to large fortunes, regressed from their stoic poses to a loud banter on history. No longer were they a gentleman and a lady that they were strictly raised to be, but two old friends sharing stories over a drink.

Their dinner was also done between the lively conversation and it was time for dessert. Heidi hardly noticed what Adrian ordered, since she was busy opposing Adrian’s theory on Madagascar sharing similar land structure to India.

Their desserts arrived and Heidi gave it a passing glance while conversing with Adrian. She saw it was ice-cream and stopped mid-sentence.

“Is everything okay?”, asked Adrian seeing a suddenly silent Heidi.

“Ummm…yes…Evrything is okay. I think I am full. I can’t eat the ice-cream”

“Oh come now. Just have a little bite. I ordered my favorite flavor.”

Heidi looked at Adrian’s earnest eyes and couldn’t bring herself to say no. But she had a reason for not eating ice-cream and if Adrian found out it could end the entire new friendship she was enjoying.

“Maybe it won’t happen today”, she thought to herself and hesitantly took a spoonful of ice-cream to her mouth.

It tasted divine and it slid her throat. She waited a few seconds in anticipation. Nothing happened. She was overjoyed and bravely took another bite and resumed her conversation with Adrian, complementing the ice-cream.

“I’d say. This is an excellent desser….


Heidi’s sentence was cut short by the sound she dreaded. Adrian stopped mid-eating his ice-cream and stared at Heidi. Heidi’s face turned crimson red. It took a while for Adrian to realise what just happened.

Heidi has farted!!

“I’m so sorry. I am lactose intolerant.”, said Heidi before Adrian could say anything.

Embarrassment swept Heidi’s face as she got ready to lose Adrian forever. It was highly rude for a woman of her stature to do such a rude thing in a gentleman’s presence. Adrian’s face remained unchanged, Heidi noticed. No, it was changing. It seemed Adrian was getting angry as his nose flared up and blood started rushing to his face. It seemed he was trying to contain a terrible rage at the rudeness. Heidi prepared for the worst and then suddenly.


It was an ear-defining sound. Heidi shook in horror wondering why her body was betraying her in a moment of fear, and then she realised it wasn’t her this time. She looked over the table to see Adrian relaxing his face. He has just let out a bigger fart than her.

“There! I won.”, said Adrian triumphantly.

Heidi’s fear turned to immense relief as she couldn’t help but smile.


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